I am an open hearted soul that feels so deeply that I can easily walk around absorbing the world's incessant pain. In order to stay healthy and effectively do the work I have been called to do, I have to set boundaries.
In my last post, I shared what a day may have looked like for me without any boundaries. I was left feeling resentful, drained and frustrated.
Boundary setting has been and continues to be a huge journey for me. I think they are for most of us, although some people seem to be better at understanding and communicating their boundaries. It did not come naturally to me. After getting really honest, I begin to understand that the feelings of resentment, frustration, exhaustion and unsettled communication were not the fault solely of others, but of my own for not knowing, setting or communicating my boundaries.
Here are some of my boundaries:
I am very prone to anxiety and planning ahead helps set my soul at ease and avoid triggers. In order to keep my time sacred, I do not often accept last minute invitations. I grow anxious when plans are left up in the air. If someone has cancelled on me a few times too many, I may not accept future invitations.
I go to sleep very early. I do not sleep with my phone in my room. I generally do not check my phone at all after 7:30 PM and do not effectively respond to emails sent in the evening, so I wait till I have a fresh mind in the morning. I do not have my work email connected to my phone. I do not have any social media or email notifications enabled on my phone, and I am strongly considering disabling the texting notification. I rarely have my ringer on and do not have my phone on vibrate.
I unfollow/block/delete/hide often. I am clear about my values and if someone is posting something that makes me feel in conflict with those values, I use the necessary button.
I wake up at 4:00 AM and need time alone. 4:00-5:00 AM is a non-negotiable sacred time for me to meditate, journal, read or do light yoga.
I cannot communicate with you if you are speaking disrespect to me or someone else in our communication. I will remove myself from the conversation.
I need daily movement for my physical and mental health. Sometimes when I say "I have plans" those plans are going to the gym, yoga or a run. I do not easily break these plans.
I have made great improvements in over-apologizing for or over-explaining my boundaries.
I am better at listening to the NO that my gut screams when I am asked to do something that I cannot fit into my schedule or that is in conflict with my values.
I am much clearer about what my responsibilities are and are not. I will support and help you with your responsibilities but I will not take over them for you.
I cannot save you. I cannot love your pain away, no matter how much I want to. I will support and empower you.
I am choosing discomfort over resentment. I am choosing tough conversations over frustration. I am choosing my own health over the perceived feelings of others, even though I still feel uncomfortable saying that.
I am clearer about what I need to stay healthy and still working everyday to manifest that.
I would love to hear from you. How did it feel to read about my boundaries? Did it feel clear? Empowering? Mean or cold? I definitely still have a small part of me that worries about that, but it gets smaller every day. I regularly re-evaluate and am so much quicker at realizing when a boundary needs to be set.
I would love to share some of the resources and tools I have used to do this. I am hosting a workshop this weekend at Inner Evolution Yoga about boundaries and it's connection to yoga. You can register by clicking here.
If you are not local, would you be interested in an online version of this workshop? I am playing around with the idea of offering my workshops in a virtual format and would like to see if there is an interest.
Are you interested in working on boundaries one on one with me? I would absolutely love to work with you and empower you to explore healthy boundaries. Message me and let's connect.